In Which My Parents Continue to Ruin My Life

Oh, you guys.  My parents.  Oh, God, my parents.  And this is just the beginning of the weekend.

I want to preface this by saying that I love my parents very much.  I had a great childhood, and they’re wonderful parents, but my mom’s borderline helicopterish.  I’ve mentioned before that she is Korean.  She never learned how to read English when she moved here (she reads Korean just fine), and I think that if she knew how to read English, she would have been a full-on helicopter mom.  In my adulthood, this over-involvement in my life has extended to how I raise Jonathan.  Fortunately, I learned early on to let her talk and just tune her out.  I appreciate her advice, but there are some things I want to do differently from how she raised my brother and me.  So let’s get started on the fun of today.

I really needed to mow my lawn before the HOA got on my ass for being unkempt, so when they got here, I mowed, and my dad weedeated (Weedate?  Is that even a verb?  Spell check says no, but I’m coining it, bitches).  So my mom plays with Jonathan and tries to get him to take the second half of his bottle that he didn’t want to eat as soon as they walked in the door because my mom’s instantly all up in his grill, so he gets distracted.  She constantly talks to him while he’s eating, and considering he’s in that stage where everything distracts him, it’s not an ideal meal situation.

So then I take a shower because I’m hot and sweaty (not in a good way…in a very bad way), and covered in grass clippings.  My dad takes Jonathan out for a walk, but Jonathan’s not having it, so they turn around before they can even get a block away.  I finish my shower, get dressed, and left to get my hair cut.  It’s crazy long because I haven’t cut it since I was probably 5 months pregnant.  It’s shorter now, but I can still put it up in a ponytail, so at least my postpartum hair loss won’t be even more magnified by Jonathan ripping it out of my head like a hair-hating savage.  I get back, and it’s time to put him down for a nap, but my mom feels that talking to him will help him go to sleep by repeating, “You be good boy, you be happy, you go sleep, then Mommy happy, and you happy.”  (Imagine that in your best Korean accent possible.)  Not helping.  So I go up, he finishes his bottle because – surprise – no one is distracting him, and put him down.  I come back downstairs.  My mom is such an opponent of crying it out that every time I’ve done this, she is sure that he’s going to cry his eyes out and never fall asleep.  Forget the fact that he’s been falling asleep within 5 minutes every time I put him down now.  She never believes me when I say that he fell asleep in 3 minutes.  (Tonight, it was maybe a minute of crying before he fell asleep.)  So there’s that.

I don’t know what’s going on with my mom now.  She used to be a super neat freak.  No clutter anywhere, and she used to vacuum and dust every single day.  Now she’s like a really neat hoarder.  Her bedroom is full of boxes of new items that I doubt she’ll ever use, and all I can think is how much of a pain in the ass this is going to be when my parents die and I have to go through all their shit.  I keep trying to get them to get rid of the stuff they don’t need, but to no avail.  But they’re all stacked neatly, so I guess that’s supposed to mean something?

Every time they come over, they leave tiny messes everywhere.  Nothing big, but a pain in the ass because it’s a couple of paper towels here, a cup there, a pot left out, all the couch cushions messed up, things like that.  So it ends up being really time-consuming to clean it all up.  I like for things to be put away and neat, so this drives me insane.  Even though I can never find time to really clean, everything is still pretty neat.  The paper towel thing baffles my mind.  I’m pretty sure that my mom is singlehandedly keeping Bounty in business.  She’ll use a paper towel, crumple it up, and leave it on the counter.  I’m constantly throwing away paper towels, and a full roll quickly turns into a quarter of a roll in the time they are over.  I’m sure by the end of tomorrow, the entire roll will be gone, and I just took it out on Thursday.

I just cleaned my kitchen so my island would be clear to put Jonathan’s Easter basket.  We’ll see how long it stays that way since the parents are coming over again tomorrow.  If only I could get a head start on cleaning.


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