Have you ever wrestled a greased pig? I have not. But I imagine that it’s a lot like bathing, lotioning (not a verb, I don’t care) up, and diapering a 6 month old.
As soon as Jonathan hits the water in the tub, he starts kicking like crazy. Is he trying to swim? Does he think it’s lava? Is it just funny as hell to splash the shit out of Mommy? I think it’s the last one. Either way, it makes it really difficult to bathe him. I have to shampoo him really fast. The only thing he sits still for is when I rinse his hair, and he doesn’t stay still for that all the time. He splashes while I soap up his belly, chest, and arms, and then I get to his legs. As I grab one leg, he twists around like he’s trying to drown himself. I had no idea that bathing was so depressing. Then I get to the next leg. He twists the other way. Then I sit him up so I can get his back. That part usually goes okay. I lay him back down, rinse off his entire body, and start draining the tub. The infant tub we got came with a little cup to rinse off the baby. During this whole bath, he’s grabbing for this cup like it’s the only toy he’ll ever want ever again. I hand him the cup while the tub’s draining, and he looks at me like, “Hey, thanks, Mom, this is what I’ve always wanted,” and then proceeds to chew the hell out of that cup.
I take him out of the bath to dry him off, and he kicks like crazy so I can’t dry him off completely. I finally get him wrapped up, pick him up, look in the mirror, and scream, “LOOK AT THAT CLEAN BABY!” Then we head to his room to lotion him up and put on his diaper. The whole time I’m putting lotion on him is a battle of wills. Jonathan wants to roll over and play, and I just want to get this damn lotion on, so we can get his diaper on because we all know that a baby boy sans diaper is a dangerous situation, to say the least. I finish putting the lotion on, and I have to put ointment on his little booty because we haven’t had to deal with bad diaper rash yet, and I just don’t want to. So he kicks me and gets the ointment all over his foot, while I quickly swipe that ointment as fast as I can on his butt, hoping that I didn’t miss a spot. I put his diaper on while he twists and tries to get away from me so he can go…somewhere. I don’t know where he’s going, but he obviously has important baby business to attend to. I get his onesie or jammies on, and that’s the end of the wrestling match for the night.
So, is that what it’s like to catch a greased pig?
On a more exciting note (for me anyway), today was Opening Day for baseball. I seriously go into a state of hibernation between October and April, just waiting for baseball to start again. I’m a die hard Seattle Mariners fan, and the biggest thing I’m dreading about moving to Hawaii is missing Mariners games! The Mariners opened against the Oakland A’s down at the Coliseum in Oakland, and we won 2-0, so the Mariners won for Jonathan’s first Opening Day! Here’s Jonathan all in the spirit, and here’s hoping for a good season!