My dad comes from a long line of bullshitters. There really is no better way to say it. For example, my grandparents are from Illinois. When my dad was younger, they’d go back to visit, and my great grandpa would tell my dad this story about how he used to tell all the kids in their town that they should come by and see the bears on his property. Now, bears are a rare sight in Illinois. Black bears, in particular, have not been seen in Illinois since the 1800s. Now, these kids would go back home, and their mothers would tell them there weren’t any bears. So they’d come back, and say, “Everett, my mom says you’re bullshitting us.” And he’d tell them, “Your mom’s stupid, go ask your dad.” Apparently, all of the dads were all about this story. I love this story. My dad could tell it a million times, and I’d still love it.
My dad has been telling me since I was in high school that he was going to tell my kids tons of stories. So here are some of the things Jonathan has to look forward to in terms of history lessons:
- My dad used to wash the windshield on the Mayflower, and fixed its outboard motor.
- He gave Sacagawea directions. Without his help, Lewis and Clark never would have gone anywhere.
- My dad let Abraham Lincoln borrow the pen that was used to write the Emancipation Proclamation.
- My dad taught John Hancock how to write cursive. Without his help, we wouldn’t tell people to put their “John Hancock” on it.
- He planted the cherry tree that George Washington chopped down.
Basically, for every major event in American History, my dad will have been a part of it in some way, shape, or form.
I just want to point out that I have a B.A. in History, and an M.A. in Military History with a concentration in World War II. My kid is going to be so confused.