The Creepiest Childrens’ Book on the Planet

I just want to start by saying that I really do like this book.  The first time I read it to my son, I cried.  It really is very sweet, but this is still the creepiest book childrens’ book I’ve ever read.

It’s called Love You Forever, and it’s written by Robert Munsch (click on the link to buy, it really is a sweet book).  Basically, the whole story centers around a mom and her son.  From the time he was born, she’d rock him, and sing, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.”  The story goes through this little boy’s life, and at every stage of his life, even when he’s driving his mother crazy, she’ll sneak into his room, and rock him while singing that song.  Sweet, right?

Well, eventually the boy grows until he’s a grown-up man (shocking, I know), he leaves home, and gets a house across town.  Now, to me, this means he’s saying, “Hey, Mom, I really need my space, you keep creeping into my room and rocking me, and that shit’s waking me up.  I just want one good night’s sleep.”  But no.  On dark nights, his mother drives across town.  She makes sure all the lights are out, and then crawls in through his window, creeps to his bed, makes sure he’s asleep, and rocks him.

WHAT?!  If my mother did that, she’d probably end up with her skull smashed in from a baseball bat.  That’s breaking and entering, homie.  I can’t be the only one completely creeped out by that.

To prove that I'm not making this shit up.

To prove that I’m not making this shit up.

Of course, the author makes up for it in the next chapter of this boy’s saga.  His mother gets very old, he visits her, and she tries to sing the song to him, but is so old she can’t finish it, so he rocks her instead, singing their special song together.  She apparently dies, because he comes home and stands at the top of the stairs for a long time (I’m assuming he’s gathering the strength to work through his grief), walks into his daughter’s room, and rocks her to sleep singing this song.  Which is sweet, but also STARTS THE WHOLE DAMN CYCLE OVER AGAIN.  That poor little girl is NEVER going to be able to have a boyfriend if her dad does what her grandmother did, what with breaking and entering for some cuddle time.

Like I said, though, it’s an incredibly sweet book, and it totally made me cry.  Just be warned that you’re going to feel completely creeped out, and then waterworks will commence two pages later.

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