In Which I Never Get What I Want

I’m not going to beat around the bush here.  I come from a strong tradition of women buying shit off of infomercials at all hours of the night.  My mom regularly wakes my dad up at 3 in the morning to call an infomercial number because she absolutely HAS to have this item.  QVC has always been the bane of my dad’s existence, too.  So all of this informs the conversation I just had with my husband.

Paul likes to watch the Food Network.  To the point that if I never see another Food Network show again, I think I could die happy.  We have DirecTV, and since everything we get is on the East Coast feed, everything is six hours ahead of us.  So we get infomercials right after we put Jonathan to bed.

Well.  Tonight there was this amazing infomercial for the Shark Steam and Spray Mop.  I have never wanted anything so badly in my entire life.  Only five payments of $29.95!  You get their little vacuum thingie that picks up macaroni off the floor and a YEAR’S WORTH of their cleaning solution for absolutely FREE!  Dear God, where do I sign up?!

So, of course, I start musing to myself out loud.  “I could really use a steam mop.  We have a Swiffer Wet Jet, but look at that demonstration.  It doesn’t pick up nearly as much as that steam mop does.”

I turn to Paul, “Babe, we need this.  Are you going to get mad if I buy it?”  He rolls his eyes at me, “We really can’t afford that right now.”

I say, “You’re right, I can wait.”


He’s getting ready for bed, and he tells me that one of the reasons why he’s so tired right at this very moment is because, “It’s taking all my energy to keep you from buying a Shark Steam Mop.”  I laugh because he obviously doesn’t know the severity of this situation.  The website is open on my browser.  I am ready to do this shit.  But he’s still looking at me like I’m crazy.  As he heads off to bed, he says, “I’m going to bed, and there better not be a fucking Shark Steam Mop on our doorstep in 6-8 weeks.”

*sigh*  I never get what I want.


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